Allowing time for things you enjoy is essential to well-being.

I’m reading more during the pandemic. Not just the few minutes at bedtime when tired eyes make the words hard to follow, but also after work, before dinner. Saturday mornings before the others are up.

I’m also spending more time outside. And cooking. Playing the ukulele. And having deeper, more interesting conversations with my husband. I spend more time loving the cat. Playing cards with my kid. And all this just feels good.

Yes, even with the stress, disappointments, and concerns over COVID-19, diminishing returns on my work, and the health of my aging parents, I feel happy.

I didn’t know what it was before. This kind of happiness feels misplaced during a time of so much change and upheaval. I noticed only that I was less reactive. I was feeling calmer, more grounded.

Perhaps, I thought, it’s because I’ve had a little more time to relax. I’m not commuting to work appearances or meetings, no back-to-school nights, or gym workouts. I’m not frantically cooking dinner in the minutes after work before my husband needs to leave for his running club. There is no longer a running club. Mostly, we stay home now.

Life pre-COVID was full and interesting, for sure. I miss hugs with my parents and long dinners with friends. I miss hearing my daughter’s stories about school and watching her play soccer.

But the forced withdrawal has given me some space in my schedule, and I’m filling it with things I enjoy. Things that, in the past, would have felt lazy or unnecessary.

Those so-called lazy activities now feel as important and meaningful as the goal-directed, focused tasks I spent most of my days doing.

A new study from the University of Zurich and Radboud University in the Netherlands led by motivational psychologist Katharina Bernecker found that our capacity to enjoy simple pleasures—things that cultivate hedonistic happiness without the distraction—is essential to our happiness and well-being.

Pursuing meaningful goals, creating habits that support our values and desires—such as eating healthier foods to achieve weight-loss—and cultivating the self-control needed to accomplish our objectives make for a happier and more satisfying life too.

But Bernecker’s research indicates a balance is essential. That’s something I’ve rarely had. I’ve been dogged in pursuit of long-term goals, often forgoing my immediate desires to relax, or indulge in a treat, or sleep in on a Saturday, in favor of pressing on with the work or exercise.

I don’t do that anymore. Now, instead of shuttling kids to soccer or school, I’m using that time to create space in my schedule to relax and enjoy. I’m visiting with my daughter, listening to podcasts, reading on the back deck. And I’ve become more mindful of the good things in life, wedged between the challenges.

This time spent to do more of what I enjoy has led to other unexpected shifts too. Rather than feeling so burned out at work, I feel more relaxed and motivated. I have greater clarity and responsiveness. I’m no longer as impatient, reactive, frantic.

A Balance of Both

In the study, Bernecker says, “the pursuit of hedonic and long-term goals needn’t conflict with one another. Our research shows that both are important and can complement each other in achieving well-being and good health.”

We must, though, keep the intrusive thoughts, the ones that distract us from experiencing pleasure and savoring the moment, from crowding out our good feelings.

This isn’t easy, but it’s worthwhile. Downtime isn’t a luxury. It isn’t laziness. Reframe it as a way to stay healthy, happy. An approach to help us avoid burnout and manage stress.

And when we feel good and less stressed, our health and well-being improve. Our immune systems function better. When our stress is managed, we are less susceptible to flu and cold viruses, headaches, and chronic conditions.

I felt the changes in my body before I knew why. Now that time spent doing something simply because I enjoy it helps me be healthier, happier, more successful at everything else.

I still hear that inner critic, though. You know, the one who calls us “lazy” when we take a break, or the raspy-voiced inner coach who tells us to “get up and work harder.” Now that I recognize it, I can diffuse the urgency by acknowledging that it’s OK. I will get back on task, finish the job or the chore. The toilets will get cleaned; the post will get written. Right after I enjoy this one precious moment.

Now it’s your turn. Set aside some time to do something fun. Something that brings you pleasure. Protect time on a Saturday afternoon to do whatever you like. Or use the mini-breaks throughout your day to relax, read a few pages in a book, savor a good lunch, or mindfully listen to music by your favorite band during breaks at work.

Life is plenty hard, but by building in the things that help us relax and feel good, we can better manage it all. It’s OK to feel good—and in the end, we’ll be healthier for it.

The best way to honor our life is to enjoy it.

Some activities lead to positive emotions that can help us build resilience.

A few weeks ago, to make the family Zoom call more entertaining, I played the ukulele.

We’ve been sharing our talents—I use the term loosely—during our weekly calls. My mom taught an art lesson, my sister twirled the baton like she did when she was a child. My husband did a fly-tying demonstration.

When it was my turn, I pulled out the ukulele, for the first time in a couple of years. After that Zoom call, I tipped the instrument against my desk instead of putting it away. And I’ve played it every day since.

The practices, usually just a few minutes between work tasks, or calls, are helping me to become a slightly better ukulele player. But there are a couple of other benefits that are even better.

I mentioned this to my husband a few weeks ago. Playing the uke just a few minutes a day, seemed to change my attitude about everything. Life felt a little lighter.

Now after reading research out of the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill, I have a better idea why.

After surveying more than 600 Americans, researchers found some are feeling higher rates of loneliness and anxiety—as expected during a pandemic. But others are thriving and feeling more gratitude, appreciation, and other positive emotions that are helping them to feel good during this time.

These are the people, according to the study, who are adding in activities that generally lead to positive emotions. Things like exercise, compelling hobbies, relaxation, safe social connection, helping others, prayer or meditation, and other self-care strategies.

Not only do we enjoy the activity while we are doing it, (mostly, I hate exercise, but I feel proud of myself when I’m working out) but the positive feelings that emerge also help buffer us from the bad, making us more resilient.

The effect is even more powerful for those who are experiencing more negative emotions.

“The more stressed, anxious, lonely or depressed you are, the more it matters that you take time to exercise and care for yourself,” writes Barbara L. Fredrickson, director of the Positive Emotions and Psychophysiology (PEP) lab at the university, and Michael M. Prinzing, a graduate fellow in the lab.

The way to better feelings even in the COVID-era isn’t to deny the fear or confusion, upset, or anxiety. This isn’t about suppression. But we must also deliberately add in positive, life-enhancing activities, according to research. Things we can turn to even when we are feeling low.

The researchers suggest we even write these kinds of self-care activities into our calendars so we are regularly reminded to do them. That helps me too. I schedule exercise in and now, I make sure I have a few minutes free between things to spontaneously play the ukulele.

It’s absorbing, challenging. I’ve got a lot to learn before I’ll be able to play it well, but every time I strum it, I’m engaged. Curious. I also find there isn’t the mental bandwidth for me to think of anything else. During those few minutes I’m wholly focused on this hobby and in the end, that feels like a break. A rest and reprieve from weightier issues.

Turns out the ukulele has become a major coping tool for me. And it’s also replaced one of my bad habits.

It used to be you could find my mindlessly scrolling through social media posts and linked articles during my breaks. I’d wind up ruminating over bad news, upset over the negativity and despair this is also out there, a part of our experience. I’d get stuck in those feelings and feel more stressed. I’d have a harder time focusing on my work too.

Social media can intensify our negative feelings like stress and anxiety, without enhancing our good feelings. The new uke-playing hobby I’ve picked up means I spend less time online. I still read the news from reliable sources at the beginning of the day, but I don’t get involved in the back-and-forth posts about it. I think that’s another reason I’m feeling a bit happier, more grounded, less reactive.

Throughout the day, for just a few minutes at a time, I’m doing something that feels good and interesting. That habit has replaced one that often made me feel bad. Makes sense, right?

Maybe it will work for you too. What interesting, healthy, fun activity can you add into your day to help generate better feelings? Mediate? Sit outside and watch the birds? Play music loudly and dance? Maybe you’ll cook or go for a walk or do cross-stitch or watercolor. Pick something that feels intriguing, positive, challenging, satisfying. Something that enhances your life adds meaning and the benefits will outweigh the bad feelings.

Fourteen years ago, I was diagnosed with melanoma. I was the mother of a 9-month-old who rarely slept, and while I was foggy with fatigue, nothing snaps your head back and focuses your attention like your own desperation to survive.

It was a clarifying moment for me because I realized then that nothing much mattered if I didn’t have a healthy body. Couldn’t love without it. Couldn’t work without it. Couldn’t support my family, mother my child, help my friends, encourage others. And with this realization, I set about protecting this body more diligently.

Some of those changes stuck. I still eat healthier than I did before. Wear gallons of sunscreen. Manage my stress. Exercise regularly. Others I’ve had to curate over the years. Practice new habits until they became a lifestyle.

For many people, the novel coronavirus is providing that same kind of clarity. A survey conducted by The Harris Poll claims that 80 percent of the adults in the U.S. say they will be more attentive to practicing regular self-care when the pandemic is over. Though nearly half are having a hard time doing it now.

Here’s the thing: Now is exactly the time you need to practice self-care, and it doesn’t have to be hard.

Holistic Health Habits

The term “self-care” isn’t my favorite, though it is descriptive and clear. It feels narrow. Limiting. Even off-putting. Self-care sounds like we must drop everything else to care for ourselves alone. It feels selfish. It can also smack of martyrdom. Sigh: I will take care of the world first and then tend to my self-care.

The tone just isn’t right. Self-care is holistic. It is not one thing or the other. It’s all of it. I’ll take care of me, and we can take care of each other.

So, I’ve started thinking about the self-care-ish things I do as holistic health habits. Behaviors that help me manage and release stress, connect with others, find meaning, feel strong and healthy in my body, and experience overall well-being. It’s about fun and connection and engagement. Nourishment of the brain and body.

And it’s inclusive. When we take time to care for ourselves, we are better able to care for others. When I am strong and well and calm, I can support you in your wellness. If we give some attention to this kind of self-care, we can thread these healthy habits into everything we do, creating a circular pattern that elevates our lives and the experiences of those we encounter.

Ever dealt with a person who was stressed out, unhappy, and in physical pain at the grocery store or bank counter? They aren’t always easy to be around. And those bad feelings are contagious in the way that a virus is. As we have seen, we are at risk individually when members of our community are unwell, mentally or physically. When you take care of you, you are also helping me.

And right now, with the backdrop of stress that many of us are experiencing as a pandemic races through the global population, we must incorporate these kinds of holistic habits to stay well. Sustained stress depletes our immune system and increases our risks of viruses, chronic illness, heart disease, high blood pressure, depression, and just about everything thing else we don’t want to deal with.

Creating a Holistic Health Habit

No matter how you say it, holistic health habits must be comfortably integrated into our daily routine to be successful. Too often, we put these things low on our to-do list. We see fun as frivolous, or stress-management as something that will happen when we get everything else done. But, of course, we never finish everything, so it continues to get pushed away until we are sick and unhappy and depleted. Exhausted and at our most vulnerable for viruses, chronic illness, heart disease, depression.

Now is the time to build holistic health practices into the moments throughout your day. Consistency matters. Not only will you feel better, but you’ll have stronger immunity and be primed for greater productivity and engagement in the world.

This means that, by taking care of yourself, you’ll also have the energy, clarity, and generosity of spirit to stay focused and productive at work and be able to help others. In return, those things will also enhance your well-being. Ready to create your own Holistic Health Habits?

Here are some ground rules:

• Add supportive behaviors, before you worry about getting rid of the bad habits.
• Identify things you can do to support your entire self, mind-body-spirit.
• Don’t make this hard. Make it doable.
• Take deliberate action every day.

Many of the things that can improve your health and mood can be easily worked into your regular routine the way you fit in an appointment or a meal. For example, I get up about 15 minutes earlier and do a gratitude exercise. While I’m drinking my first cup of coffee, I write down at least five things I’m grateful for and pause after each one to soak it up for a few seconds.

When I’m cooking dinner or doing another household chore, I listen to my favorite podcasts. Good for my mental health and growth. A walk in the sunshine is good for body and spirit. And I always schedule in some quiet time. Time where I sit alone, outside or in my office, to do a quiet mindful practice for a few minutes a couple of times a day. This reminds me to take some deep breaths, become present, and stop freaking out about everything. Of all the brief habits I build into my day, this is the most powerful for me.

Create your own customized plan. If you like walking, go for one every day. Write it into your calendar. Playing the piano? Add it in after lunch. I schedule these things—particularly my exercise—like I do medical appointments or job assignments. It’s easier to make them happen that way.

Here are a few other tips that have helped me create more holistic health habits in my day:

Do something fun. Do you like to paint? Pull out the watercolors for a few minutes each day. Love to visit with friends? Schedule a Zoom date. Enjoy cooking? Try a new recipe.

Fun and play are the things we do simply for the enjoyment of it. That’s not a small thing, because play eases our stress and helps us become more creative and resilient.

Get outdoors. I’m writing this on my laptop on the back deck, and the squirrel hanging from the bird feeder is a better distraction than Facebook. Greenspace and the natural environment lower our stress and increase well-being. Take your lunch break outside, go out on the front porch for a minute, mow the lawn, go for a morning walk at the nature park nearby.

Take time out. Our brains need time to restore from the barrage of stimulus coming our way all day long. When I don’t get at least a few minutes of quiet in my day, I am more distracted, irritable, impatient.

Without time to restore, we are prone to burnout and trauma and more susceptible to sickness. But a few minutes of quiet scattered throughout the day is a holistic health habit that will help your mind-body-spirit reset. Turn off the phone. Sit outside, or head to a back bedroom.

Somedays, you can even find me hiding in a closet (not kidding) or parked in some scenic spot alone in the minivan. I’ve got to get my quiet time. I’m healthier for it. And I’m easier to live with.

Other things to try: A mindfulness practice for a few minutes in the morning, afternoon, and evening. Meditation. Sharing your feelings with a supportive friend. Physical exercise. A good night’s sleep. Sleep is vital to how our brains restore and manage stress. Journaling. Gardening. A drive in the country.

Do a few of these things every day. Shape them in ways you enjoy. Sure, your activities may change from day to day, but you’ll be healthier, more relaxed, and more resilient when you build in time for some of these holistic health habits. And when one of us is healthier and happier, we all benefit, because good moods are contagious too.

I got up early to get some work done before my husband and daughter awoke. There was a puddle on the floor in front of the sink — jerry-rigged pipe not doing the job — so I spent a minute cleaning that up. Then the dog needed to go out and I transferred the darks, still wet in the washer, to the dryer, and by the time I got to work, my daughter was pouring a bowl of cereal, my husband was on a call, and I’d received some last-minute editorial comments that needed my attention before I could get to the project due around lunchtime.

My husband — temporarily working at home – had dibs on our home office,  so I set up shop on the dining room table next to the teen who was working on algebra. She was calm, mostly quiet except for a camp song she was humming off and on.

Me? I was feeling frayed by 9 a.m. When I try to weave my thoughts into a single stitch, my ideas unravel. Focus is fleeting. But my stress, that’s coming in loud and strong. It feels like I’m vibrating with it as I watch the clock tick closer to my work deadline. My neck feels tight and I want to cry when I delete a portion of the piece because I’m not paying attention.

But I keep quiet. Trying to calm, but feeling angry and impatient. I comb my fingers through my hair and stare at my computer screen, seeing my tight expression in the reflection.

Then, I feel the table start to jiggle. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice my daughter is now tapping her foot. Her leg bounces. Then she’s playing her hair, pulling it up and dropping it loosely around her shoulders. Then she sighs, throws her pencil down stomps away from her algebra.

“Ugh. I’m so stressed,” she says.

I think she got that from me.

Though I try to play it cool and calm around here, stress can spread — infecting our kids even when we’ve tried to minimize their exposure, according to new research from the Journal of Family Psychology.

In the study, researchers watched kids and parents and found that when mothers tried to hide their stress or other emotions, kids felt in their bodies anyway, without knowing exactly what was wrong.

Kids pick up on things. When we downplay our stress or tell children everything is fine when we don’t feel fine, our children sense that. They know something is up, said Sara Waters, an assistant professor at Washington State University and one of the study’s authors.

And families tend to be less warm and engaging with each other when members are suppressing or hiding their feelings, particularly when discussing tough topics or conflicts, according to the research.

I’ve noticed this kind of contagion before. Sometimes I’ll feel my mood shift from calm and easy to uptight and edgy when my teen walks tugging the drama of middle school with her. If I’m not paying attention, my stress will rise to match hers.

Or my husband will be restless and worrying over something that happened at work, but his mood improves when he comes home and is surrounded by our better feelings.

And during these days when we are all working at home, stress is popping like a pinball.

We don’t want to overburden our kids and contribute to the stressful feelings they are already experiencing, but acting like things are easy is only contributing to the stress around here, instead of making it better.

So, I fessed up. I sat down with my daughter and explained in basic (and teen-appropriate) language, that I was feeling stressed by trying to find ways to help her keep her studies up while meeting my work deadlines when the routines were so different in our house now. And, I reaffirmed another truth. Though it’s a stressful time, we are doing OK. We can feel uptight and manage our stressed feelings and feel better.

She’s a teenager, so she knows stress too. She told me she’d felt something was wrong. She worried that I was angry at her. That made her feel anxious.

Without realizing it, our stress spreads to those around us creating a more stressful environment for everyone.

But we can interrupt this cycle by doing these three things.

Catch your feelings. Recognize what’s going on in your body – tension in your neck or a stomachache, for example. Perhaps it’s recognition your mind is wandering, or you feel tired. Just notice. Don’t judge.

Identify the emotion behind the physical sensation. Naming your feeling can help diffuse its intensity.

Then talk or write it out. This doesn’t have to be a long drawn out conversation or a 20-page essay, but it’s OK to say “I’m feeling a lot of pressure because I need to get this work project done” or to express your emotions on the page. Get specific on the page about what’s behind the feeling.

By noticing, naming, and sharing our stress and emotions rather than suppressing them, we can neutralize the stress and keep them from infecting our kids and others. We’ll feel more relaxed and empowered too.

After a few minutes talking with my daughter, we both were more calm and connected. She went back to algebra. I got back to work, finishing up my project with minutes to spare.