Imperfect Spirituality – Polly Campbell

Gratitude Comes When We Show Up for Life

Polly Campbell — Wed, 07 Apr 2021 18:55:11 +0000

I’ve had so much on my mind lately, so much I wanted to share and yet, I’ve been running around (and by around I mean between my home office and the kitchen) and didn’t have time to make it sound all good and writerly so I didn’t say anything at all. I held back until I could get it just right.

But that isn’t the way I want to live. I don’t want to wait until everything comes together before I do things that feel important or meaningful or fun or interesting. I don’t want to play small if I can’t do it just right. Don’t want to sit quiet out of fear. We just do not have that kind of time, do we? We can’t wait to participate in life until we are thinner or smarter or richer or have better hair. Life is happening now, whether we are dressed for it or not.

We are never going to be prepared enough for everything that comes our way. But we are good enough for it right now. Life is in the process, not the outcome. Vitality comes from participation. From the interaction, the exploration, experimentation. The attempt.

Life is about showing up in our messy imperfection wearing the pandemic sweats and sharing ideas that aren’t perfectly formed yet but matter just the same. This is also the most fun way to live. To do stuff, right? To get off the sidelines and play in the game.

We don’t have to be any certain way. We can just be. Be all in. That is good enough.

Look, at the end of life, the outcome is the same for all of us. But it’s the process of living with curiosity and creativity and love and joy and appreciation and anger and envy and determination and grief and humor and resilience–no matter what we are facing– that allows us to feel the texture of our experience. To be a part of it.

That’s what I’m thinking about today. And that fills me with gratitude because when I look at what I’m doing, I notice the goodness that surrounds me. The friend who dropped a surprise on my porch. The other who texted me in support. The random people who took time to review You, Recharged on Amazon. The one who sent me a thank you note. My husband for being so supportive and for sometimes just leaving me alone. The hot coffee in the morning. The vaccines my parents got and the volunteers who gave them the shots.

Life is not easy. No way. But I am so grateful to go through it. My heart is so full. I just wanted to tell you.

What are you grateful for today? Just thinking about it, will make you feel better and give you an energy boost.

This is Why You Bring Your Best Energy

Polly Campbell — Tue, 02 Feb 2021 20:54:31 +0000

Yesterday, Sweet P’s teacher showed up late to the class wearing a jog bra and eating a sandwich.

On camera, you could see the teacher chewing, staring into the computer, beige décor, a coffee table in the background.

My daughter was lying in her bed, logged in for a class the lasted 12 minutes. I watched with her, sitting on the end of the twin, before the teacher told the kids to “just get caught up,” and logged off.

I told Sweet P to get up then, do her other homework, and get ready for the next.

“Why should I care, when my teacher doesn’t?” asked my girl.

This is what I’ve said, though it wasn’t’ smooth or polished. This is why you should care.

Because it isn’t up to others to determine the course of your life. It isn’t their responsibility to motivate us or move us. It’s nice if they do it. It’s handy if they challenge us and love us and coach us. Great if they show up at their best.

But, what we learn, how we live, what we create and experience in our lives is our business.

Listen, I get that the world isn’t all rainbows and unicorns right now. Teachers need to show up even when it’s hard, and so do doctors and mail carriers and truck drivers and Moms. This is not an easy moment for any of us. So, what. Really. Me wishing for something different doesn’t make it so. I’ve moved beyond that.

This is the moment we have. We will get through it. But how we emerge, is up to the energy we bring to our lives. This isn’t anybody else’s responsibility.

It would be cool if it was all fair, we all got the vaccine on time, had amazing teachers, and plenty of money and opportunity and food.

But, what you have is this moment. It’s up to you what you do with it.

So, my darling daughter, you should care, because you are the keeper of your life experience.

What you do now, becomes who you are later and that is worthwhile. There isn’t a special space in life when everything becomes easy, but there is so much that is interesting and possible and meaningful.

Your success, and health, and happiness, is not up to anyone else. That is the good news. You get to make your life. If you are loved and encouraged and treated fairly and respectfully; if you are healthy and strong; if you are safe you have so much to be grateful for.

But, in Life School you learn, it isn’t always that way. It mostly isn’t that way. And, here’s the thing to know, in those moments you have so much to be grateful for, too.

And when nobody else seems to care, or notice, or work hard or look out for others, here is what you do—you get up anyhow. You work hard. You care for yourself and others. You notice. You learn. Because you value you. Because this is the gift. Right now. This life.

You do the things that matter anyhow. Because it’s who you are and who you will become. And that is up to you. Lifeschool.

The One Thing I Want My Daughter to Know

Polly Campbell — Wed, 13 Jan 2021 17:12:47 +0000

It was a little thing. I got after my 14-year-old for not unloading the dishwasher.

But it felt big, and too much, and crushing. She cried and stomped and yelled. Later when she calmed down, she apologized. Said it wasn’t about the dishwasher. It was never about the dishwasher.

I get it.

It was about COVID-19 and missing her friends and remote learning. She is worried about the election and the anger in the world. She has a mom who expects some chores to get done. Feels like life piling on.

“It’s too much,” she said. “I just feel like I have no control over anything like there is nothing I can do.”

Of course, there is so much we can’t control, not just this year, but always. It’s easy to be burdened by stress and fear.

But we have total control over how we respond. There is power in that. That’s what I want my daughter to know.

Believe in Your Ability

Albert Bandura and others called this belief in our own ability to do what we need to do to solve, succeed, survive — self-efficacy. It’s the root of our persistence, grit, optimism, resilience.

Believing we are capable of getting through the tough spots actually helps us do it. We become capable, stronger. That eases our stress and in a real way enhances our sense of autonomy.

This is what I want my daughter to know. Not that we’ll be OK, though I believe that to be true. Not that it’s easy. It’s not.

I want my daughter to know that even in the upset, even under stress, even when she is sad, she is capable. Capable of getting through, making a positive difference. Feeling good again.

Though it’s my nature as a mother to step in, take over, save her from any hurt—as though I could—it’s my job as a parent to stand alongside her during the tough times. To reflect back her own strength.

If we step in too soon, we are sending a message to our kids that they can’t cope. That we don’t believe in their ability to handle hard things. This teaches them not to rely on themselves, or ask others for help. If we take over, we rob our kids of the chance to learn resilience and self-efficacy, the kind of coping skills they’ll need throughout their lives.

Stepping back a bit, isn’t easy to do, especially now, but here are four things I’m practicing.

1. Wait. Take a breath before you rush in. See what your kid is capable of and let them figure that out for themselves. Watch what they can do.

2. Offer suggestions, examples, demonstrations, encouragement, but not the absolutes. Flexible thinking and creativity are essential to problem-solving. Offer some prompts to get your child thinking, then back away, and see what they come up with. Chances are, your child will come up with a different solution, one that might be a whole lot messier, but work just as well.

3. Make room for the big feelings. It’s OK to feel scared, curious, angry, worried. Heck, I felt all of those in the last five minutes. Make it safe for your son or daughter to share whatever they are feeling. Let them air out their thoughts. Vent. Cry. Don’t judge or interrupt. Don’t try to fix, just be with them. We all need time to release, to feel validated.

4. Highlight their successes. When your child displays a resilient attitude or an effective coping strategy, call it out. “I like the way you are thinking through this,” I told my daughter the other day. Or, “I think that perspective must be helpful.” Then they can identify what’s working and helping.

When my daughter was very young she’d often get derailed by her big feelings and have a hard time managing her anxiety. We created a ritual at the end of the day, where she could blurt out all her worries. This would take about 15 minutes and then she was good to go again.

Instead of dwelling on these things during the day then, she put them on a Worry List, knowing that she didn’t have to deal immediately because she could come back to them and we’d work through them later.

We still blurt things out. Cry together. Talk things through. We still worry, but we also know that we can cope. That no matter what happens next, we are capable and there is power in that.

That’s what I want my daughter to know, now.

“Honey, You’ve got this.”