In the parking lot, one arm dangling out the window of my green Mazda, I called my parents on the flip phone.

“Great,” Dad said. “Here’s your mother.”

“Pretty exciting,” said Mom.

“You’d better hang on to that job of yours now. You’ve got a house payment to make.”

She knew I’d been unhappy in my public relations position and that I wanted to go out on my own and work as a full-time writer. What she didn’t know was that I had already resigned from my public relations position.

I had no savings. No other income. No clients. I’d done a lot of work to prepare. I knew some of what I was up against, but knowledge wouldn’t pay the bills. This isn’t an endorsement of that decision.

But I believed I would succeed and that optimistic outlook made the difference.

We all fall on the spectrum somewhere between optimism and pessimism, and surprisingly, research shows most of us tend to lean a little more toward the positive side of things. I do.

But that doesn’t mean I’m blissfully happy, or even cheery. Plenty of negative thoughts keep me awake at night. Those things motivate me too because, like most optimists, I believe my efforts can make a positive impact.

Optimism, you see, isn’t only about attitude, it’s also about our behavior. I can feel negative about my health and still go to the gym to exercise because as an optimist I believe my actions can improve things. If I work out, I’ll get healthier. Then, I’ll feel better. By choosing optimistic actions, I create better outcomes that lead to better feelings, resulting in the creation of more things to feel good about.

Optimists, according to researchers, tend to do the things they need to do to reach their goals because, notably, they believe it will make a positive difference. They believe their efforts matter, so they get off the couch and get moving. They engage with the world.

These kinds of action-oriented approaches may also help optimists live longer, according to research.

Optimists often eat healthier, stop smoking more frequently, exercise more often, and manage stress in a way that doesn’t decimate their nervous systems or immune function.

Optimism was the only edge I had when starting my writing business. Though my stomach ached with anxiety at times and I was filled with self-doubt, I kept at it. I worked long hours, studied, practiced, hustled. I took small jobs nobody wanted. I did the dreaded cold calls. I diversified, writing newspaper articles and brochure copy and corporate newsletter articles. I made a lot of mistakes. Big stupid ones. But I learned. Adapted. Kept going. Believing that my persistence would pay off.

But the myth that you must always be cheery and happy to be optimistic gives optimism a bad look, because who can do that? Hard things happen. I feel bad sometimes. Depressed even. Still, I can behave optimistically even when I’m feeling pessimistic.

I don’t worry if the glass is half full or half empty. I figure it’s refillable, and next time I’ll get a margarita.

To understand optimism is a behavior and an attitude is such a relief. It means that even on my bad days, I can still persist, create, contribute, and succeed.

This requires deliberate action, though. When I fall into a rut and don’t feel like anything I do matters because the world is going to end anyhow, I remind myself of the power of optimism. Here’s how.

• Practice gratitude. This is the easiest way for me to move the optimism dial up a notch. Give thanks. For your breath, for the cat sitting on the page you are trying to read, for your shoes. It doesn’t matter. Pause. Become aware. Then list it, say it, or sing it, whatever works, just leave time each day to take in what is good.
• Adopt a growth mindset. When we can see setbacks or failures as learning opportunities rather than a reflection of our own character flaws and limitations, we feel better, sure. But it’s also motivating because we are more excited to try again, knowing that we can learn what we need to know to improve. When something isn’t working, just say, “I just haven’t figured it out… yet.”Whenever I have a proposal rejected, I do this, reminding myself, “It just isn’t ready yet.” Then I get busy making it better to send out again.
• Take a minute for some “best-selfies.” Put down the phone, drop the camera, pick up your notepad, and turn on your imagination. I read about this practice in a study published in the Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry and have been doing it ever since. Start fantasizing about your best self. What will you and your best life look like five or ten years from now? Get specific, but stay focused on a positive future, rather than the challenges you’ve faced in the past. Take a minute to think about how healthy and energetic you are (five years out), how your book has become a bestseller and your husband is adorable and you’ve got checks worth $3,250 filling your mailbox each day and your hair is styling and your team is winning. Whatever it is, create the best possible life in your imagination and feel your optimism increase.

It’s been nearly 29 years now. And the writing gig? It’s worked out. I’ve written some books. Thousands of articles. Now, a podcast. Never missed a house payment—sold that little home years ago for something a tad bigger.

There have been setbacks, for sure. Disappointments, yep. Worries, at times. But I always believed I could find my way through. I still do today. Maybe that’s why I have.

Seriously, in this vast world of culinary opportunities, I had nothing. Not a single idea. Nothing inspired me or sounded good.

Everything seemed exhausting and hard and boring. Blah. And,  I just didn’t have the bandwidth to come up with anything else except tacos. Again. We eat them. All. The. Time.

We have a partnership here. Everybody pitches in, so I have a lot of support with the dishes and shopping and laundry, but cooking is on me. And last week, the pressure of coming up with another meal on another day just felt like too much. I was plumb out of ideas, bored by all of them. It was a little thing, sure, but it illustrates how I was feeling about work and quarantine and the daily routine. I was drained, exhausted, and worn.

This isn’t a new feeling. Been stuck before. Will be again. Even wrote a book about how to recharge and get unstuck in early pandemic season. I live by the principles, knowing that the energy of life ebbs and flows. It doesn’t have to be scary or lead to sickness or upset. When we recognize that fatigue, those feelings of burnout that come from doing so much for so long and holding so much stress, we can cope and move beyond them.

Get Curious to Get Going

Instead of making tacos–again–I put one of my favorite recharge practices in place that day and did the easiest thing I could do in that moment. I got curious.

Curiosity allows us to engage with the moments of our lives, to invite novelty in. It moves us to a place of participation and experience, and in the process, research shows curious people tend to be happier, more, empathetic, healthier.

But here’s the big thing for me: Curiosity inspires learning. Motivates us to look at the old, mundane routines in new ways. And new perspectives are energizing.

Wanting to know more about something pushes us toward that rabbit hole of associations and ideas. New people and places. Growth. And the discovery of things that are helpful, funny, surprising, or unexpected.

So how, when we are seated firmly on the couch tired and complaining, can we invoke this curious feeling and use it to inspire our lives?

Start with a question.

And if you aren’t sincerely interested in, say, what to make for dinner—again—fake it.

To solve the “what-can-I-make-for-dinner problem,” for example, I decided to surround myself with some inspiration and I pulled down my mother-in-law’s old cookbook. Yes, like any good cookbook, it was filled with recipe ideas. But it was filled with a lot more.

She had written notes, in her diligent cursive, adapting recipes to her boys’ tastes. There were recipes passed down from her mother. Insights into the family.

I cooked Spanish rice. But the conversations at the dinner table with my husband and daughter that night were more important than any food. My husband told stories, shared things I’d never heard before. The tales were fascinating and fun and added novelty and intrigue to our regular dinnertime ritual.

My husband, who I’ve been with for nearly 20 years, and I had new things to talk about. We learned about each other. And it deepened our connection. Research shows curiosity, aside from boosting happiness and health, also builds empathy and enhances relationships. I felt it that night.

Take time to question your ideas, to wonder about your feelings and experience, to challenge the familiar. And ask about others too and then listen well to their answers. That curiosity will help you connect in a new way and lead you out of that stuck place.

Four Ways to Ignite Your Curiosity

There are many ways to ignite curiosity. Here are a few you can use to get unstuck.

Add something fun to the dullest job. First, you have to get curious about what that would be, right? When I had a series of business reports to write, I left my ukulele on my desk. And after each page I completed, I’d strum the uke for a few minutes. I didn’t get good, but I did get curious about playing a tune and that prompted me to learn a short song, which I could play by the end of the day. This was satisfying and fun and eased my stress by making it easier to work through the reports.

Mix it up. I’m a fan of writing and true crime podcasts, but yesterday I listened to one about music, and another about pop culture. Which spurred another project idea and had me totally engaged. Often, we become stuck because we become so familiar with our own lives. Our work, our routines, our houses, and our relationships. We tend to overlook their nuances, this leaves us feeling dull and burned out.

Recharge by doing the same old things differently. I love to read mystery books, but I recently popped an interesting memoir into my reading list and it sparked a whole new line of thinking. I write nonfiction but have also started sketching just a few minutes a day. I won’t show anyone my art, but that’s not the point.

It was something I’d never done and wanted to learn. That’s a good question to ask yourself when you are stymied. “What is something I’ve always wanted to learn to do?”

Then take a step toward that thing.

When I asked myself that question I realized I wanted to be able to draw simple sketches to accompany my journal entries. I was surprised by that realization. Immediately watched a beginning drawers video on YouTube, and got sucked into something fun and new.

Our energy and physical and emotional resources are going to fluctuate throughout our lives, but we don’t have to stay stuck in the doldrums. By nurturing our curiosity, by deliberately calling on this quality, we also build greater resilience. Curiosity motivates us to learn, adapt, explore new ways of living, coping, surviving, thriving.

This means, we can all recharge, we can overcome burnout and manage our stress and feeling inspired and engaged again no matter what we face in life.

Curious about how you can do it in your own life? Well, then, that’s a start.

“I’m terrified,” a friend texted. 

She’s growing her business, creating an event, and needed to write her marketing materials.

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